Friday, September 08, 2006

Time Settles around Me in New Form

After the sense of time-spaciousness I described in a recent posting, now I find time settling around me with new definition, its edges slowly hardening and tightening, as the new academic year begins and my schedule becomes busy again.

It is an interesting experience watching this happen, being aware of exactly how it feels. It's not as traumatic as I had feared. It's not happening as suddenly as I expected. It settles around me gently at first, bringing my life and my work gradually into sharper and clearer focus, offering me foot-holds and hand-holds of effectiveness. I step into a system structured to allow my engagement with others. As I grab hold and climb into it and push levers and pull handles, things happen around me that others respond to.

At least in this early stage of this entrance from contemplation back to action, I am acutely aware of my freedom. This mechanistic image of time our culture has constructed is a construction of ours. It is something we made: a powerful machine that coordinates our efforts and creates the potential for action much greater than any one person could accomplish alone. Right now I am still keenly aware of my essential position of freedom in relation to this machine. And I am aware that this is true of all of us.

But how long will it take before my experience of this changes? How long will it take before I am so far inside again that I feel more run by it than it is run by me (and you)?

I hope I can stay alert and watch exactly how this transformation happens.

Then and only then will I really have something meaningful to say to all who feel trapped within the exacting demands of this system of time and work.

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