I went to the eye doctor today (first time in a long time), and had those drops that make everything blurry for a few hours afterwards. So, I took a walk. Then I practiced music (Irish traditional music – no need to look at music for that, because this kind of music is learned by ear). Then I listened to some recordings of good Irish flute playing.
Several hours had now passed. My eyes still were blurry.
It was very disconcerting, actually. It showed me how much of my waking life is spent looking at text. I felt very lost being unable to read or write for such a length of time!
Even finding friends to hang out with and chat with was hard, because everyone is so busy all the time!
I took another walk. It was now dark out. Because my eyes were not yet back to normal, the street lights and car headlights had these amazing rays shooting out from them in all directions. It was beautiful, in a wild and surreal sort of way.
So this experience had me take a new “look” at my life and the kind of world I live in.
Now I revel in my newly regained clarity of sight. I notice the miracle of sharp vision with heightened awareness. I look at my looking, with new eyes.
But even so, I feel a sense of loss as well. (And might every gain bring also a kind of loss?) By regaining my "normality," I lose the special perspective that "abnormality" offers.
For several hours today, I had a good excuse to step aside from my usual routine, and could be forgiven for not being "productive." If my friends or colleagues had seen me wandering about, squinting oddly at the lights, I could have explained, and they would nod, and remember, yet not be able really to relate, and they'd scurry back to their own busy lives, leaving me on the corner squinting at the lights, and I'd feel both left out and relieved. I'd watch their vanishing blurry forms, no longer myself being able fully to relate to them either. "What's all the fuss about? Why all the rushing?" Surprised by the new ways that light shimmers when my eyes do not sharply focus everything, I vividly realize that things are not always what they seem. And, I experience my own being in a new way.
Here I am, immersed in light. The light has rays, that people usually cannot see.
But tomorrow, with normality restored, the usual will be expected of me again. The rays already, in fact, have retreated back to invisibility.
But I know that they are still actually there.
5 years ago